Sunday, March 27, 2011
Whatever may come...
So in solidarity with my fellow entreprehustler Kimmi Chu, I have decided to take 2011 off. Meaning, I will not pursue anything and i will only consider things that are brought to me on a silver platter. And by silver platter I mean passive income. Already working on my book and writing two blogs, teaching my 2year old daughter until September when she can get into school, and hoping for an AP position on a not yet greenlit show. A very exciting venture that fits my criteria has already caught my attention. I'm in the process of "making it real", so wish me luck.
Sunday, March 20, 2011
Motivation
I've been feeling like I'm overdue for an emotional breakdown and it finally came this morning, as I hugged my Mom goodbye. The past 4 months have been a whirlwind of change and I was determined to conquer it all like a beast. This attitude helped me do just that, but the little things have started creeping up on me as of late. People like to say that "the devil is busy", I'm not sure if I would describe it that way but I finally understand the concept. The funny part is that if I were to say out loud those things that are bothering me, I'd feel stupid because they are all minor and meaningless. Nonetheless, the sheer rapid succession of small irritations after all the work it has taken to not stress the little (or big, for that matter) things has warranted a good cleansing cry and what better than a hug from your Mom to begin that release.
Straight Talk
You never really see yourself as clearly as when you have an outside observer there to illuminate your life. It has become clear to me that I have a serious Superwoman complex. Because I know what's inside of me, I fail to give myself enough credit and that can lead others to not appreciate me as much as they should. If I act as if everything comes easy, then how can I expect the perceivers to view things any different. If I am being honest, the past four years have been really tough. Because they have simultaneously been really amazing, I tend to undermine the significance of and need to acknowledge the pain.
2007
In January of 2007, I was diagnosed with Grave's disease. After googling it and learning more, I prayed that I would not get the eye symptoms. Of course, it was a useless prayer because going through the experience was a necessary part of my journey. Ever since I can remember, my eyes have been the most significant physical part of me. They say the eyes are the windows to the soul and I knew I was special at an early age, in part because of how others reacted to my eyes.
Needless to say that those big eyes that I came to regard as the feature that made me beautiful all of a sudden changing was, well, soul changing. All the less obvious symptoms of my my hyperthyroidism, tiredness, weight loss, ankle swelling, even difficulties with reproduction meant nothing as I witnessed one eye, then the other quickly begin to protrude from their sockets. My loss of eye control was in direct correlation with my loss of self confidence. After years of not being particularly photogenic, I had finally begun to look great in photos only to now have my greatest insecurity show up every time anyone even thought about taking a picture. It took me a long time and a lot of staring at myself in the mirror to re-find my beauty. My big hair is definitely an ode to my big eyes, my thought was fuck it, give 'em something to remember.
2008
After finally accepting myself and recapturing my natural confidence, I was ready to start my family. Because my thyroid was so "hot", it could not be controlled with medication but I wanted to try this route anyway because I would rather not have them take out my thyroid and have to take a pill everyday for the rest of my life. Those who know me, know that I am very adverse to medication so between the treatment of my eyes and of my thyroid, at one time I was taking 14 pills a day. Talk about feeling defective... Anyway, I finally made the decision to have my thyroid burned out through radioactive iodine because I was told that I would have to wait 6 months after to try to get pregnant. At that point I was 28, I had been married for 5 years, with my husband for 9. I was a top lawyer at a top firm and I was finally ready to embark on this journey. Well, it was not to be as smooth as I'd hoped because I ended up having to have the treatment twice (which is unheard-of) which rendered me unable to attempt to reproduce for over a year. Then when I was finally able to try, my body was so out of whack that I could not get pregnant.
In true LaNora fashion, I chocked it up as a loss and began dreaming up an alternative life for myself. This is when my entrepreneurial spirit began to take flight. My business would be my baby and I went about doing the work that would hopefully lead me to leave my legal career and find my passion.
2009
January 1st was the first day of this journey I am on today and as everyone knows, one of the worse economic times in American history. I took this as a great sign. There was never a better time to be broke and an entrepreneur. Obama was being sworn in as President and it felt like the sky was the limit.
Because I refuse to let any "expert" opinion override what I know to be logical, I stopped taking my Thyroid medication. Because I had no thyroid, I was supposed to have hypothyroidIsm but I was constantly losing weight and my cycle had not returned to normal in over a year. I was told that I needed this pill to regulate my metabolism, but it seemed that my body thought otherwise. Right or wrong, within a couple months of stopping the medication, I found out I was pregnant. Funny that this was early October and I had officially resigned from my firm on September 26th with a December 31st end date. I would never have gone down this road had I had my wish and got pregnant right when I felt the time was right. So, by May of 2009 I had my second baby (Muse being my first) and embarked upon a parallel personal journey.
2010
This was perhaps the most difficult year because, for the first time in my life, I began to self-analyze and really work on myself. Life up to this point had been pretty easy. I hate saying that because many of the things I have achieved, especially considering my relative disadvantages, are things most people will never achieve even with tons of hard work, but I have come to realize that it is what it is. For the first time since 8th grade, I had to decide on what path my life would follow. At this point, true greatness was the only option because I had already reached the heights that society deemed exceptional. The difference this time was that there was no blueprint for me to follow. I had to go inside and find myself, discover my Muse and accept my spiritual gifts in order to have a chance to fulfill what was becoming my obvious potential.
This blog has been my way of sharing my journey from that point. So, you know that in November I had my second child, my husband landed his dream job and we are now living in New York.
Moving Forward
I have been coaching myself to give myself a break, but in the last week or so little doubts have tried to creep in. All the financial issues that I thought I had resolved have decided to linger a little longer, the confidence I have in my ability to write an amazing book has gone through waxes and wanes in light of my "show me" philosophy, I have had to reevaluate my commitment to other endeavors as the reality that I will not be able to get my daughter into a good school until September set in and on top of that, hubby's new job comes with a twist we have never encountered, lots of travel.
Needless to say, I needed a good cry just to let that all out and refresh my spirit. I am truly feeling renewed as I wrap up this retrospective. I am looking around at my new home in Harlem, sun shining through the windows, my baby sleeping here on the couch next to me as I write. My big girl sleeping in her room and my wonderful husband in ours. I was made for greatness and all evidence points to my fulfillment of my destiny. Though I need to allow myself these emotional breaks more often, I am comfortable with my Superwoman complex. It keeps me soaring and as Zora would exhort "jump at the sun!".
Straight Talk
You never really see yourself as clearly as when you have an outside observer there to illuminate your life. It has become clear to me that I have a serious Superwoman complex. Because I know what's inside of me, I fail to give myself enough credit and that can lead others to not appreciate me as much as they should. If I act as if everything comes easy, then how can I expect the perceivers to view things any different. If I am being honest, the past four years have been really tough. Because they have simultaneously been really amazing, I tend to undermine the significance of and need to acknowledge the pain.
2007
In January of 2007, I was diagnosed with Grave's disease. After googling it and learning more, I prayed that I would not get the eye symptoms. Of course, it was a useless prayer because going through the experience was a necessary part of my journey. Ever since I can remember, my eyes have been the most significant physical part of me. They say the eyes are the windows to the soul and I knew I was special at an early age, in part because of how others reacted to my eyes.
Needless to say that those big eyes that I came to regard as the feature that made me beautiful all of a sudden changing was, well, soul changing. All the less obvious symptoms of my my hyperthyroidism, tiredness, weight loss, ankle swelling, even difficulties with reproduction meant nothing as I witnessed one eye, then the other quickly begin to protrude from their sockets. My loss of eye control was in direct correlation with my loss of self confidence. After years of not being particularly photogenic, I had finally begun to look great in photos only to now have my greatest insecurity show up every time anyone even thought about taking a picture. It took me a long time and a lot of staring at myself in the mirror to re-find my beauty. My big hair is definitely an ode to my big eyes, my thought was fuck it, give 'em something to remember.
2008
After finally accepting myself and recapturing my natural confidence, I was ready to start my family. Because my thyroid was so "hot", it could not be controlled with medication but I wanted to try this route anyway because I would rather not have them take out my thyroid and have to take a pill everyday for the rest of my life. Those who know me, know that I am very adverse to medication so between the treatment of my eyes and of my thyroid, at one time I was taking 14 pills a day. Talk about feeling defective... Anyway, I finally made the decision to have my thyroid burned out through radioactive iodine because I was told that I would have to wait 6 months after to try to get pregnant. At that point I was 28, I had been married for 5 years, with my husband for 9. I was a top lawyer at a top firm and I was finally ready to embark on this journey. Well, it was not to be as smooth as I'd hoped because I ended up having to have the treatment twice (which is unheard-of) which rendered me unable to attempt to reproduce for over a year. Then when I was finally able to try, my body was so out of whack that I could not get pregnant.
In true LaNora fashion, I chocked it up as a loss and began dreaming up an alternative life for myself. This is when my entrepreneurial spirit began to take flight. My business would be my baby and I went about doing the work that would hopefully lead me to leave my legal career and find my passion.
2009
January 1st was the first day of this journey I am on today and as everyone knows, one of the worse economic times in American history. I took this as a great sign. There was never a better time to be broke and an entrepreneur. Obama was being sworn in as President and it felt like the sky was the limit.
Because I refuse to let any "expert" opinion override what I know to be logical, I stopped taking my Thyroid medication. Because I had no thyroid, I was supposed to have hypothyroidIsm but I was constantly losing weight and my cycle had not returned to normal in over a year. I was told that I needed this pill to regulate my metabolism, but it seemed that my body thought otherwise. Right or wrong, within a couple months of stopping the medication, I found out I was pregnant. Funny that this was early October and I had officially resigned from my firm on September 26th with a December 31st end date. I would never have gone down this road had I had my wish and got pregnant right when I felt the time was right. So, by May of 2009 I had my second baby (Muse being my first) and embarked upon a parallel personal journey.
2010
This was perhaps the most difficult year because, for the first time in my life, I began to self-analyze and really work on myself. Life up to this point had been pretty easy. I hate saying that because many of the things I have achieved, especially considering my relative disadvantages, are things most people will never achieve even with tons of hard work, but I have come to realize that it is what it is. For the first time since 8th grade, I had to decide on what path my life would follow. At this point, true greatness was the only option because I had already reached the heights that society deemed exceptional. The difference this time was that there was no blueprint for me to follow. I had to go inside and find myself, discover my Muse and accept my spiritual gifts in order to have a chance to fulfill what was becoming my obvious potential.
This blog has been my way of sharing my journey from that point. So, you know that in November I had my second child, my husband landed his dream job and we are now living in New York.
Moving Forward
I have been coaching myself to give myself a break, but in the last week or so little doubts have tried to creep in. All the financial issues that I thought I had resolved have decided to linger a little longer, the confidence I have in my ability to write an amazing book has gone through waxes and wanes in light of my "show me" philosophy, I have had to reevaluate my commitment to other endeavors as the reality that I will not be able to get my daughter into a good school until September set in and on top of that, hubby's new job comes with a twist we have never encountered, lots of travel.
Needless to say, I needed a good cry just to let that all out and refresh my spirit. I am truly feeling renewed as I wrap up this retrospective. I am looking around at my new home in Harlem, sun shining through the windows, my baby sleeping here on the couch next to me as I write. My big girl sleeping in her room and my wonderful husband in ours. I was made for greatness and all evidence points to my fulfillment of my destiny. Though I need to allow myself these emotional breaks more often, I am comfortable with my Superwoman complex. It keeps me soaring and as Zora would exhort "jump at the sun!".
Monday, March 14, 2011
Itching to Write
So, I decided to postpone writing until April 1st to give myself pressure-free time with the baby as well as time to get settled in my new Harlem home. I believe this was a good decision, as I am finding new inspiration daily since I began moving on the 3rd of this month. I am down to one last box and I have my mom here to help me with the girls for the next day or 2.
Besides writing my book, I have been contemplating what direction to take Muse CAA. I believe my biggest mistake the first go around was letting my career happen to me instead of making deliberate moves toward a defined goal. I am determined not to do that this time. In the short time that I've been here, I've already taken advantage of a couple opportunities that have come my way, one in which I would love to pursue further and the other that I have decided would take me down the same path that led me to halt operations mid year last year.
Door #1
About a week before my scheduled move, I got a call from my friend Keith, who owns Decoder (a media company), about an opportunity to associate produce a pilot for a documentary series on Animal Planet. Not wanting to miss out on a great opportunity, after hearing from the producer I spent all day trying to make arrangements for someone to be there with my baby until my Mom arrived. It was a 2-day job and the first time I would be away from my breastfed baby. Needless to say, there were a lot of hoops to jump through to pull this off. But, in true Muse fashion, I made it happen. I caught the train from DC to NY at 5am to be here for the 9am call time. The experience was wonderful and I believe I made a great impression. If the show is picked up, we are looking at a 10 episode deal, so I am hopeful that this sacrifice will manifest into a great long term prospect.
Door#2
While I was here, I stayed with my good friends Stacey and Carlos. Stacey's sister was asking about what I did in terms of branding because after managing top salons in the city, she had taken the leap of faith and opened her own salon. After our conversation, she asked if I would like to work an upcoming event with her. I jumped at the chance to plant another seed for Muse. The event was yesterday and was great PR for her salon and a great opportunity for me to see this Maven in action. Though I believe in her long term potential, my down time gave me time to realize that I am more interested in project-based, strategic opportunities and this would be more of a long term growth opportunity. Also, it is in an industry in which i am only peripherally interested. While at the event, I met another entrepreneur who was interested in me helping her grow her brand. This was after I essentially sold her product to a retailer exhibiting at the same event. Again though, after the buzz of being sought after wore I off, I reflected on my goal of creating my own destiny and decided to forego this opportunity as well. As my husband said, I may never have another opportunity like this where I have the time to really think about what I want to do and what will lead me to my millionaire dream. He believes that it is great that I am testing out these various opportunities, but cautioned me against jumping on other people's journey unnecessarily.
All that is to say, I will be focusing on my book and my babies and hopefully this Associate Producer position for now. I have a few other passion-based trails that i want to blaze once I figure out how they could become profitable. By the time I get Ryan into a good day care, I hope to have a direction and plan of action ready. Wish me luck!
Besides writing my book, I have been contemplating what direction to take Muse CAA. I believe my biggest mistake the first go around was letting my career happen to me instead of making deliberate moves toward a defined goal. I am determined not to do that this time. In the short time that I've been here, I've already taken advantage of a couple opportunities that have come my way, one in which I would love to pursue further and the other that I have decided would take me down the same path that led me to halt operations mid year last year.
Door #1
About a week before my scheduled move, I got a call from my friend Keith, who owns Decoder (a media company), about an opportunity to associate produce a pilot for a documentary series on Animal Planet. Not wanting to miss out on a great opportunity, after hearing from the producer I spent all day trying to make arrangements for someone to be there with my baby until my Mom arrived. It was a 2-day job and the first time I would be away from my breastfed baby. Needless to say, there were a lot of hoops to jump through to pull this off. But, in true Muse fashion, I made it happen. I caught the train from DC to NY at 5am to be here for the 9am call time. The experience was wonderful and I believe I made a great impression. If the show is picked up, we are looking at a 10 episode deal, so I am hopeful that this sacrifice will manifest into a great long term prospect.
Door#2
While I was here, I stayed with my good friends Stacey and Carlos. Stacey's sister was asking about what I did in terms of branding because after managing top salons in the city, she had taken the leap of faith and opened her own salon. After our conversation, she asked if I would like to work an upcoming event with her. I jumped at the chance to plant another seed for Muse. The event was yesterday and was great PR for her salon and a great opportunity for me to see this Maven in action. Though I believe in her long term potential, my down time gave me time to realize that I am more interested in project-based, strategic opportunities and this would be more of a long term growth opportunity. Also, it is in an industry in which i am only peripherally interested. While at the event, I met another entrepreneur who was interested in me helping her grow her brand. This was after I essentially sold her product to a retailer exhibiting at the same event. Again though, after the buzz of being sought after wore I off, I reflected on my goal of creating my own destiny and decided to forego this opportunity as well. As my husband said, I may never have another opportunity like this where I have the time to really think about what I want to do and what will lead me to my millionaire dream. He believes that it is great that I am testing out these various opportunities, but cautioned me against jumping on other people's journey unnecessarily.
All that is to say, I will be focusing on my book and my babies and hopefully this Associate Producer position for now. I have a few other passion-based trails that i want to blaze once I figure out how they could become profitable. By the time I get Ryan into a good day care, I hope to have a direction and plan of action ready. Wish me luck!
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