A Charmed Life

A Wonderful Week

This has been a great week and I plan to ride this inspiration for as long as possible. I have never been into astrology or similar concepts, but I could not ignore the fact that "mercury was in retrograde" at the end of August through the middle of September. This is supposed to throw lots of things off and I have to say that Mercury was kicking my ass. I had no computer, writer's bloc, opportunities were not manifesting as expected, I was constantly tired, etc. I tried not to buy into this belief too much, yet not ignore the suggestions for riding out this period of retrograde. I did not push myself too hard on any front and I took that time to just enjoy Ryan, get some rest and not worry too much.

Anyway, things began to look up over the past couple weeks as I gained more confidence and clarity. I began to focus on what I wanted and what it would take for me to get it. I put my energy into doing those things and trusting that the outcome would be as I envisioned. Lo and behold, within a couple week's time the stars began to align:

I secured my first writing gig, nothing that would keep me so occupied that I would not have time for my book and something that I could ride out for now and turn into something more substantial once the baby is born and I have taken some time to just concentrate on her.

A deal I had been waiting to close finally did and I was called to be part of the branding/marketing team. This is the same opportunity that I knew was perfect when I received it, but which my excitement led me to forget the rules I had put into place for myself. I confronted the issue and gained the respect needed to be called upon when the money was right.

Earlier this week, I wrote down my "January Expectations" and by Friday I had confirmation that all of them were on track to happen.

Great Inspiration

The most powerful thing that has occurred is that I have regained my inspiration, i.e., my "Muse-ness." This year has primarily been about learning the tough lessons and going inside myself to correct faults that had gone undetected for decades. This has been a difficult process to undergo. Focusing on my weaknesses really slowed me down, which was a necessary step to getting where I am today. I was moving so fast that I did not realize that I was letting life happen to me and not taking charge of my life and figuring out the path that I wanted to pursue. Though I am still in the midst of my war with fear, this new phase is about doing the work and I am falling in love with my journey all over again.

Progress

So, I have been writing a lot more and it feels wonderful. Though I have been cautioned against it, there are certain things that I want my book to have that have no basis in logic. For instance, I want 8 chapters. 8 is my favorite number, it is a round number, I was born on the 8th day of the 8th month of year, I tend to like the 8th track on all good albums, and it turns out that "The Tipping Point" has 8 chapters. When I wrote my basic outline in July I wrote it based on 8 chapters, although i only had 7 of the chapter titles figured out. This did not bother me because I knew that these were not going to be my final chapters, it was just something I needed to get out in order to move forward and to have my basic theory parsed out.

Anyway, as I said in my last post, I have finally found a synergy between the two parts of my book--the personal narrative and the theory. Well, this morning I woke up at 7:30 to use the bathroom and instead of going back to sleep, I decided to ride the wave of inspiration I have been feeling and take another stab at the flow of the book with my 8 chapters in mind. Fate would have it that the various phases of my life that I have been piecemeal writing about add up to 8 and within each phase a major tenent of my overall theory is illustrated. This is great news because today is September 25th and I want to have my detailed outline finished by the 30th. I can now take a break from free writing the meat of my book and get the basic structure completely worked out so that it is easier for me to complete in a systematic fashion.

Needless to say, I am thrilled. I had a good 2 hours or so of "deck time" last night and it was great to reflect on my life and see its purpose and how everything I have learned up until this point has prepared me to write this book. I look forward to completing this outline and spending next month working on and sending out my pitch packet. I expect to secure an agent before Riley is born so wish me luck!

-The Muse

On the Road to Clarity...

Manifest Destiny

This has been a very interesting week. I think that I am finally in a place where I am clear about what I want to do with my life and I am beginning to manifest that reality. Not only have I been writing more consistently, I am beginning to see the personal narrative and the theoretical aspects of my book weave together nicely. Every phase in my life opened up my awareness and, upon reflection, I am uncovering the bases for the propositions I put forth in "The Other N Word."

I also secured my first writing gig, nothing too sexy, but definitely an opportunity to become more disciplined about my writing, make some extra money and potentially turn the opportunity into something more substantial down the line.

Flexibility

So, at the beginning of this process I set three goals: 1) write a draft of my book, 2) launch Muse, and 3) work with Sheila Johnson. I now realize that Muse doesn't need to be "launched", it has now been in existence for two years. Sometimes we get so caught up in how we thought something would look when it happened, that we are blind to the reality. I Am The Muse and every endeavor that I pursue falls under The Muse umbrella. I have decided to focus on myself as my main client and my book as the project and Muse is moving right along.

As for working with Sheila Johnson, this is still on my goal list but I have decided to be bold and go after what I really want instead of thinking of random projects that we might work together on or trying to jump on the bandwagon of something she already has going. Maybe like a year or so ago, I had a conversation with one of my mentors, Kathy McCampbell Vance, about how I might work with Sheila Johnson. At the time, I was a bright eyed, bushy tailed "baby-preneur" so I dared to asked for what I really wanted. At the time I could not believe that I said it out loud, but I had randomly heard that Sheila Johnson was interested in writing her autobiography or telling her story, and I declared that I wanted to be in on that. I have since envisioned myself taking part in making this a reality. She is the first black female billionaire and barely anyone, outside certain circles, knows her name. Because I am so intrigued by her, I seem to have attracted people who have known her at various points in her life dating back to when she used to teach music before BET and all of her worldly success all the way to present day. I decided that "The Other N Word" is my opportunity to show that I am a serious writer and can complete an autobiographical work and this will lead me to my opportunity to approach her about helping her realize her dream of getting her story written.

So, in the end it all comes together and everything is pointing toward me needing to focus on writing my book in order to open the door to everything else. My doubts and fears surrounding this endeavor are melting away and I am building the confidence needed to complete this task. I am beginning to have the feeling that I had when the Muse vision was revealed to me and this time I am in complete control of the outcome. The other day another piece of the puzzle came to me regarding the potential publisher of my book, so I am very interested to see how that turns out.

Needless to say, the number of pages written needs to grow at the rate of my unfolding vision for the outcome of the book. Today I plan to do some significant damage...I awoke this morning at 4:30am motivated and anxious to write. I read through all my blog posts and felt inspired by my honesty with myself and the fact that each of my posts provide motivation and content for my completed book. I think I will try to get back to sleep and wake up renewed and ready to work.

Calling Myself a Writer vs Being a Writer

In Pursuit of a Dream

Ok, so this week has not been an exemplary example of how I want my writing career to unfold.

Excuses, excuses...

I am having a difficult time adjusting to my new computer situation, i.e., I now have a desktop that resides downstairs in the open area of my house. This space takes some time to get used to because it does not offer the same "blocking out of the world" feel of my bedroom or my husband's office. He has a new computer and wants me to stay off of it and out of his office...I am cooperating at the moment, but know that that will not last.

Psyching myself out

I have sat down to write at my new computer several times this week to no avail. I have, however, been looking for ways to make myself more convinced that I am a writer. I have applied to be a blogger for several sites as well as other writing gigs, I have continued to dissect the writings of others and I have continued to analyze my thesis and basic outline. I have also decided to download some new music to help motivate me as I attempt to write. I am hoping all of these things manifest into words, sentences, paragraphs, chapters and then a book being written.

Something that made me feel especially good was setting up my template document and putting my already written pages into it. Seeing the number of pages multiplied by 2.5 was a huge motivator and seeing my words look like a book made me want to put down more words. Unfortunately it was like 10:45pm and Alex was sitting behind me talking about something, so I had to be satisfied with just the feeling of wanting to and not the actuality of writing.

Fortunately, my father-in-law comes this weekend which should give me more time in the day to sit for several hours at a time and think and write while he entertains Ryan. I am also hoping to tap into the feeling that comes over me when I am moved to write a blog post, though I suspect Ryan will be waking up from her nap any minute now (is that another excuse...lol).

I've been reading "The Secret", so with its teachings in mind, I will cease talking about how I am not writing lest I put more of that energy out into the universe and never finish this book. I am claiming a thoroughly detailed outline as I planned by the end of the month!

All About the Book

Over the last two weeks it seems like every obstacles has been presented to keep me from working on my book. My laptop died, our back-up laptop died, Alex needed his computer all day to finish up a project, Ryan wanted attention, I had writer's bloc...But somehow I persevered. I have written a sizable chunk of my background story and I have found a writing process that has been helpful in the organization of the book as a whole. When I am stuck, I go back to The Tipping Point and continue to deconstruct it in hopes of finding my own construction. Getting more organized has helped me stay on task. The best part was putting all of my notes and free writes into one document and seeing how much I had accomplished without really knowing it.

It is now the beginning of September and I only have three months before my new baby arrives. My goal for this month is to have a detailed outline of my book completed. That is, all chapter headings, subheadings, theories, subtheories, flow of book, examples, summaries, approximate number of pages, etc. laid out in such a way that it is clear to any potential agent what the end result will be. In October I want to have my final pitch package complete so that I can begin shopping my book to agents in order to secure a book deal that will allow me the time and resources to make the final product what I know it can be.

I am very excited about getting to this point in the process. I never imagined myself being a published author, though I have been a writer my whole life. I always thought of writing as a means to end; I wrote speeches to win oral contests, I wrote essays and reports to pass courses, I wrote personal statements to get admitted to universities, I wrote theses to gain a degree or distinction, I wrote briefs to get a paycheck, I wrote press releases to get media attention. Now I know that all the success that came from those writings was because the writing was good and that I do not have to be afraid of being a writer.

I've been told that my subject matter is ambitious, but that has never stopped me before. I believe that my life and career has unfolded in such a way that I am destined to write this book at this very moment and that I am the only person in my way. I am looking at my pages and pages of writing almost too thick to staple as well as my six page breakdown of The Tipping Point and I am so encouraged. I have The Secret as my bathroom book (TMI, sorry) and the feeling of wanting to write everyday. On top of that, I had the best dream of my entire life the other day that felt so real that I hold on to that feeling of success and know that it is not just an illusion.

Everyday I wake up to the 7 battles that define Muse v. Fear and I puff my chest out knowing that I am one step closer to winning this war. Now back to work...