Black Eyes and Cold Steak

Last week was a very difficult week for me. A couple of my weaknesses were tested and I am sad to say that I initially received a D, retook the test and received a B, which averages out to a C. Not good, average is not what is going to get me where I am trying to go.

Appearing Too Hungry

Sometimes you are presented with potential opportunities that, at first sight, appear to be life changing. This projection of greatness can blind you to the circumstances that surround that opportunity...let's call it entrepreneurial "beer goggles." I have been the victim of this phenomenon enough times to recognize the signs, but, lo, I was drawn in once again. My husband always says that the way something starts is usually how it will be and truer words have never been spoken.

I put myself in the situation of doing a lot of work upfront with no pay and having to "put my foot down" when the stench from my hunger/desperation led to unrealistic (and, quite honestly, offensive) demands being placed upon me and my company. Needless to say, I was disappointed in myself for ignoring the signs and going against my first instincts. I am at a place where I know my worth and trying too hard to convince someone of that worth, ironically, diminishes it. Lesson learned, again.

Worrying about Perception and Ignoring Reality

The struggle between my natural personality and what it takes to be "boss lady" leaves a constant question mark on my ability to sustain myself as an entrepreneur. This question mark is the main catalyst for my growth, but also leads to the most tears. I often wonder if I will have to change who I am to get what I want. This blog definitely gets at some of those characteristics and helps me to see that changing these things about myself does not affect the essence of who I am.

Last week I had to confront a major issue that affected the viability of my business and which I had let linger because I was worried about how it would make me look and others feel. My fellow entreprehustler Kimmi Chu put the nail on the head when she explained to me that the idea of selflessness as something honorable is a fallacy. If you do not take care of yourself first, you will have much less (and ultimately nothing) to give to others. Although I was aware that I was sacrificing my business, myself and my family, my personal nature still made it difficult to deal with the situation.

Needless to say, I was happy when this new week began. Although it was hard to look at myself in the mirror and ask myself the important question "can I really do this Muse thing?," I entered this week with a new focus and motivation and with some of the stress that was affecting my productivity lifted. Today is July 15th, the day I wanted to have my book outline completed. Completing this task will be a significant mile marker in my pursuit of that "yes" I so desperately desire.

-The Muse