Sunday, December 5, 2010

Checking In

There is something about Sunday mornings that get me motivated. I have not written in a couple weeks, nor have I thought much about it, as I have been busy nesting. Well, I am proud to announce that I delivered my second child, Riley Alexa Clark, on November 29th. A beautiful baby girl who damn near brought herself into the world. Needless to say, I am filled with gratitude and renewed purpose.

This morning I started reading through my Guide to Literary Agents. It is interesting to read agents' perspectives on the book proposal process. It has me thinking even more about the elements of my proposal and how I really do have something here. I am the queen of persuasive writing, so I can't wait to see my finished product and where it leads me.

Although I would have loved to have my proposal completed already, I am still proud of my progress. Unlike when I had my first child, I do not feel any rush or pressure to do anything in a certain amount of time. This book is my other baby and I will give it all the attention and nurturing it needs before I send it out into the world. I should be able to gauge how much time I will have to devote to finishing my proposal over the next couple weeks. Riley is pretty low maintenance right now, but I am not counting on that to continue. In the meantime, I will do what I can do and I am sure everything will work out how it is supposed to work out.

Sunday, November 21, 2010

Turn my Swag On

Goal Setting

At every stage in my life, I set a high goal and was able to attain it. For college I wanted to go to Berkeley or Brandeis. I only applied to 4 schools and got into all of them. For law school I wanted to go to the #1 school in the country, Yale. I punked out of applying, but I applied to 13 schools, all in the top 15. I got into all of them except Standford (down with the Cardinal!). When I graduated law school, I wanted to work at a top law firm. I went through the process and ended up at a Top 40 law firm.

I recently said to myself that now is not the time for little goals. I have two friends that are published and they are are both under two of the top 10 publishers in the US: HarperCollins and Houghton Mifflin. One of them already sold the rights to have her book adapted into a film and the other got her book sold in a literary auction, which means lots of people were interested in it. These are my peers and, therefore, my benchmark for success.

So, I am setting a top 10 publisher as my goal.

How do I get there?

Well, this is difficult to figure out, but a major aspect is the marketability of your book. I have started this section of my proposal and I think I have a pretty good segment of the market carved out:

In the academic world, I have connections to lots of published and respected professors. I need my book to be good enough to get testimonials from two of my NYU professors, Professor Derrick Bell (who is super famous in Critical Race Theory circles and beyond) and Professor Tony Thompson (who recently published the bible of books on Reentry studies). I am also getting in touch with NYU to see how they can support me in my efforts. For $190k, I assume there is something they can do to support my efforts. Especially because this book is definitely good PR for them.

I have a chapter devoted to who I consider to be the key members of my network. All of these individuals have their own networks and I am relying on them to be my cheerleaders in pushing my book. Each of them will be impressed with the role that they play and what I have to say about them and all are go-getters so if their name is attached they will want it to be a success.

Aspiring lawyers, law students and lawyers, particularly African-Americans are definitely a key demographic for my book.

Up and coming entrepreneurs are also part of the market for my book.

Another key element is access to press. I have this down in the DC area and I will be relying on my PR mavens on both coasts to help me push this.

I think my title is a seller as well.

Most importantly, the book has to be good. I am still yet to finish a full chapter, though I have been writing everyday. I jump around between the into, chapter 1 and chapter 6. Sometimes I stray and start writing up my marketability piece or, this week, I have been trying to stop myself from writing parts of Chapter 5 which follows my years at Berkeley.

What Now?

These goals are just there to help me dream big an do what needs to be done to make it happen. Right now my focus is on completing my proposal. Sunday is a good writing day, so if I could just keep myself focused on one chapter I know that I can finish it. I feel that it should be Chapter 1 because it will set the tone for the rest of my book, but Chapter 6 is so fresh and full of characters and the meat of my theory that it has been much easier to write. I will set my goal as finishing Chapter 1 and see where I get. No pressure. Baby Riley is due sometime in the next 15 days and she has been a huge motivation to get this done. I am trusting that everything will work out how it is meant to work out, so I am feeling confident and self-assured by my process. Wish me luck!

Monday, November 15, 2010

Evaluation Time

Checking in with Muse v Fear

1) LACK OF CONFIDENCE 1 point for me

2) FAILURE TO ACT tied

3) FEAR OF GOING AFTER MY OWN DREAMS 1 point for me

4) FEAR OF BEING ACCOUNTABLE 1 point for me

5) DELUSIONS OF GRANDEUR 1 point for me

6) LACK OF COMMITMENT 1 point for me

7) FEAR OF GREATNESS 1 point for Fear

All in all, I am kicking butt. I have very little anxiety about my ability to write the book that I see in my head. I am not pushing myself too hard because I am keeping my kids as my priority right now. I am continuing to post blogs and keep it honest in my writing. By writing my own story, there are so many characters whose feelings I have to consider. It is teaching me how to write in a way that is both honest and considerate. I am enjoying the challenge.

Checking in with The Other N Word

Going back down memory lane is exhausting work. I have to edit myself when I write because this book is not my life story, if it is not relevant to teaching me the game of networking it should not go in. On the flip side, stories are injected in that I did not forsee being part of the book.

My goal is to draft my Intro, Chapter 1 and Chapter 6. I think these three things set up the premise for the book and are diverse enough to give a good impression of the rest of the book. I really like my intro so far. Framing my story has been like framing a piece of art. I have to put the reader in the mindset that I'd like them to be in. Choosing my words carefully and trusting my voice have been essential tools. I have parts of all 3 chapters done, I just really want to have a whole chapter done. This is my goal today. Chapter 1 is about my early childhood and Chapter 6 is about my law firm career. I straddle between the two depending on what I am in the mood to deal with. I think Chapter 6 might get written faster, though I am pretty close to being done with Chapter 1. A lot of framing of a lot of memories...can be slow work.

The law firm stuff is fresh in my mind and the chapter is entitled "The Knowledge Without the Game". At this point in my journey, I was beginning to notice a lot of things that I had missed before. I was still gaining the knowledge, but it took me becoming an entrepreneur to learn the game. The BigLaw partnership model makes an associate's job much like being an entrepreneur. You do not have a boss in the traditional sense, you still compete for the best work, and its about who you know as much as it is what you know. Interacting in the firm world with the knowledge of how to act, dress, be...showed me how understanding why I must (or think I must) do these things is more valuable.

I'm about to break for lunch and get back to writing soon after. Wish me luck on finishing up Chapter 6.

Sunday, November 7, 2010

To the Wire

Since my last post, I have made serious progress toward my goal of having my proposal ready this month. The most exciting part was finally getting my final chapter titles and subtitles down. Just looking at my Table of Contents makes me proud. The fact that there are all these hidden meanings and/or thought processes that went into each one makes it even more exciting.

Decisions, Decisions

I have decided to complete my Introduction, Chapters 1 and 6 for my sample chapters. This will be interesting, as I am as excited as others to see how the book turns out. Most of what I had previously written serves as a basis for writing the final chapters, but I have been starting from scratch as I write so that my writing benefits from my clearer thought process and my focus on the art of storytelling and not just telling my story.

The Sneak Peekers

I have also been getting together the folks that I want to read and critique my proposal before I send it out. Having this feedback will be a major help in many ways, but mostly it will be the first time I really stop talking about it and be about it. I am yet to share my writing with anyone because I am not at a place that I feel comfortable with the final product yet, but that will all change soon.

The Big Test

I am hoping to have my three sample chapters completed by the end of the week. I am giving myself some leeway in the goal, as I am 37 weeks pregnant and rest is my main goal. In fact, last week I slept all day from Monday through Friday...it felt great and I fought off the guilt that I felt creeping in. My estimate is that that is 54 pages of writing, sounds daunting but you have to remember that that breaks down to approximately 22 standard pages. At 5 pages per day, with a lot of it already started, I should be able to stick to this plan. This will be a good indication of how long it takes me to complete the book once I secure a deal.

I have been working for most of the day, so I think I will quit for the day and start fresh tomorrow.

Wednesday, October 20, 2010

Momentum

Pitch Stage

Ok, so I feel wonderful today because, after months of brainstorming, writing, thinking, conceptualizing, etc. I am finally at the stage of putting together my book proposal to send to literary agents. My fellow entreprehustler and motivator Farrah Parker suggested that I could pitch my own book to publishers, but I really want to be free to just be creative in this situation.

The proposal for a nonfiction book contains the following elements:

Cover Letter
Book Overview
Marketing Potential
Table of Contents
Sample Chapters
Writer's CV
Other relevant information

I am happy to say that I have almost all these parts completed, plus a lot more writing done than is necessary for the pitch. For the rest of this month, I am focusing on getting each of these things in the best shape possible so that by November 1st, I am confident to send out my packet and see what comes back.

I am extremely optimistic about my ability to land an agent and I have been visualizing the success of my book. I feel like the timing is perfect, not just for my subject matter, but also for me personally. My baby is due December 1st and I need to take at least 3 months to devote all of my time to her. I also know that rejection is a major part of the process, so having a new baby to look after will ward off the depression that such rejection can cause.

The Difficulties of Writing Such a Personal Piece

The People

As I write, I am finding that my story is not my story alone, but includes many people that may have an opinion about what I write. I think I am a clever enough writer to be completely honest without throwing other people under the bus, but I honestly did not anticipate how many people's names would actually end up printed in my book. I plan to send everyone mentioned a copy of the part of the book about them, so this should be interesting.

The Obstacles

There are certain occurrences or event in my life that have shaped who I am and speak to my journey to uncover why networking is the other N word. Many of these are very personal and I have not shared them with anyone who was not privy to them as they occurred. Some stories I have really just started confronting over the last year. These are the most difficult to write, one because they bring up so much emotion and, two because I need to frame them in a way that makes me comfortable yet provides the proper context for the book.

Muse Moment

Needless to say, I am super proud of myself for reaching this goal that I set out at the beginning of this process. I have committed to this singular goal and have not let other opportunities distract me. Every time I write, I get a great feeling and I know that this book is a huge stepping stone toward my ultimate destiny. I believe that your 30s are for finding yourself and the people who are destined for greatness are putting the work in now. I know that I will be counted among the greats and I am ready to do what it takes to make sure this happens.

Sunday, October 10, 2010

Commercial Break

I opened this blog entry page not knowing what I was going to write. After having such an inspirational couple weeks, I took a trip to California to celebrate my niece's birthday and came back under the weather and tired as hell. I did not get anything accomplished until Friday and that accomplishment did not involve writing.

Ironically, I attended my friend Kimmi Chu's fathers funeral and it ended up being a great day. Sometimes inspiration and motivation come from the strangest places. I also found out that my grandmother passed away on Wednesday and because of Riley's impending birth, I will not be able to make the trip to New Orleans to attend her homegoing. This makes me sad, but I know that I do not have to a attend a funeral to honor her life and I am in no emotional state to deal with a reunion with my dad (though I look forward to hearing about my younger sister LaRita's encounter).

Yesterday, I got my day started at around 2pm and that was a struggle, but this morning I woke up bright and early to start preparing my environment for productivity. I'm looking forward to a nice family day today and tomorrow and getting back into my routine on Tuesday. I am really encouraged by where I am in my entrepreneurial journey and I am feeling both confident and optimistic. Only good can come from this.

Saturday, September 25, 2010

A Charmed Life

A Wonderful Week

This has been a great week and I plan to ride this inspiration for as long as possible. I have never been into astrology or similar concepts, but I could not ignore the fact that "mercury was in retrograde" at the end of August through the middle of September. This is supposed to throw lots of things off and I have to say that Mercury was kicking my ass. I had no computer, writer's bloc, opportunities were not manifesting as expected, I was constantly tired, etc. I tried not to buy into this belief too much, yet not ignore the suggestions for riding out this period of retrograde. I did not push myself too hard on any front and I took that time to just enjoy Ryan, get some rest and not worry too much.

Anyway, things began to look up over the past couple weeks as I gained more confidence and clarity. I began to focus on what I wanted and what it would take for me to get it. I put my energy into doing those things and trusting that the outcome would be as I envisioned. Lo and behold, within a couple week's time the stars began to align:

I secured my first writing gig, nothing that would keep me so occupied that I would not have time for my book and something that I could ride out for now and turn into something more substantial once the baby is born and I have taken some time to just concentrate on her.

A deal I had been waiting to close finally did and I was called to be part of the branding/marketing team. This is the same opportunity that I knew was perfect when I received it, but which my excitement led me to forget the rules I had put into place for myself. I confronted the issue and gained the respect needed to be called upon when the money was right.

Earlier this week, I wrote down my "January Expectations" and by Friday I had confirmation that all of them were on track to happen.

Great Inspiration

The most powerful thing that has occurred is that I have regained my inspiration, i.e., my "Muse-ness." This year has primarily been about learning the tough lessons and going inside myself to correct faults that had gone undetected for decades. This has been a difficult process to undergo. Focusing on my weaknesses really slowed me down, which was a necessary step to getting where I am today. I was moving so fast that I did not realize that I was letting life happen to me and not taking charge of my life and figuring out the path that I wanted to pursue. Though I am still in the midst of my war with fear, this new phase is about doing the work and I am falling in love with my journey all over again.

Progress

So, I have been writing a lot more and it feels wonderful. Though I have been cautioned against it, there are certain things that I want my book to have that have no basis in logic. For instance, I want 8 chapters. 8 is my favorite number, it is a round number, I was born on the 8th day of the 8th month of year, I tend to like the 8th track on all good albums, and it turns out that "The Tipping Point" has 8 chapters. When I wrote my basic outline in July I wrote it based on 8 chapters, although i only had 7 of the chapter titles figured out. This did not bother me because I knew that these were not going to be my final chapters, it was just something I needed to get out in order to move forward and to have my basic theory parsed out.

Anyway, as I said in my last post, I have finally found a synergy between the two parts of my book--the personal narrative and the theory. Well, this morning I woke up at 7:30 to use the bathroom and instead of going back to sleep, I decided to ride the wave of inspiration I have been feeling and take another stab at the flow of the book with my 8 chapters in mind. Fate would have it that the various phases of my life that I have been piecemeal writing about add up to 8 and within each phase a major tenent of my overall theory is illustrated. This is great news because today is September 25th and I want to have my detailed outline finished by the 30th. I can now take a break from free writing the meat of my book and get the basic structure completely worked out so that it is easier for me to complete in a systematic fashion.

Needless to say, I am thrilled. I had a good 2 hours or so of "deck time" last night and it was great to reflect on my life and see its purpose and how everything I have learned up until this point has prepared me to write this book. I look forward to completing this outline and spending next month working on and sending out my pitch packet. I expect to secure an agent before Riley is born so wish me luck!

-The Muse


Thursday, September 23, 2010

On the Road to Clarity...

Manifest Destiny

This has been a very interesting week. I think that I am finally in a place where I am clear about what I want to do with my life and I am beginning to manifest that reality. Not only have I been writing more consistently, I am beginning to see the personal narrative and the theoretical aspects of my book weave together nicely. Every phase in my life opened up my awareness and, upon reflection, I am uncovering the bases for the propositions I put forth in "The Other N Word."

I also secured my first writing gig, nothing too sexy, but definitely an opportunity to become more disciplined about my writing, make some extra money and potentially turn the opportunity into something more substantial down the line.

Flexibility

So, at the beginning of this process I set three goals: 1) write a draft of my book, 2) launch Muse, and 3) work with Sheila Johnson. I now realize that Muse doesn't need to be "launched", it has now been in existence for two years. Sometimes we get so caught up in how we thought something would look when it happened, that we are blind to the reality. I Am The Muse and every endeavor that I pursue falls under The Muse umbrella. I have decided to focus on myself as my main client and my book as the project and Muse is moving right along.

As for working with Sheila Johnson, this is still on my goal list but I have decided to be bold and go after what I really want instead of thinking of random projects that we might work together on or trying to jump on the bandwagon of something she already has going. Maybe like a year or so ago, I had a conversation with one of my mentors, Kathy McCampbell Vance, about how I might work with Sheila Johnson. At the time, I was a bright eyed, bushy tailed "baby-preneur" so I dared to asked for what I really wanted. At the time I could not believe that I said it out loud, but I had randomly heard that Sheila Johnson was interested in writing her autobiography or telling her story, and I declared that I wanted to be in on that. I have since envisioned myself taking part in making this a reality. She is the first black female billionaire and barely anyone, outside certain circles, knows her name. Because I am so intrigued by her, I seem to have attracted people who have known her at various points in her life dating back to when she used to teach music before BET and all of her worldly success all the way to present day. I decided that "The Other N Word" is my opportunity to show that I am a serious writer and can complete an autobiographical work and this will lead me to my opportunity to approach her about helping her realize her dream of getting her story written.

So, in the end it all comes together and everything is pointing toward me needing to focus on writing my book in order to open the door to everything else. My doubts and fears surrounding this endeavor are melting away and I am building the confidence needed to complete this task. I am beginning to have the feeling that I had when the Muse vision was revealed to me and this time I am in complete control of the outcome. The other day another piece of the puzzle came to me regarding the potential publisher of my book, so I am very interested to see how that turns out.

Needless to say, the number of pages written needs to grow at the rate of my unfolding vision for the outcome of the book. Today I plan to do some significant damage...I awoke this morning at 4:30am motivated and anxious to write. I read through all my blog posts and felt inspired by my honesty with myself and the fact that each of my posts provide motivation and content for my completed book. I think I will try to get back to sleep and wake up renewed and ready to work.


Saturday, September 18, 2010

Calling Myself a Writer vs Being a Writer

In Pursuit of a Dream
Ok, so this week has not been an exemplary example of how I want my writing career to unfold.

Excuses, excuses...

I am having a difficult time adjusting to my new computer situation, i.e., I now have a desktop that resides downstairs in the open area of my house. This space takes some time to get used to because it does not offer the same "blocking out of the world" feel of my bedroom or my husband's office. He has a new computer and wants me to stay off of it and out of his office...I am cooperating at the moment, but know that that will not last.

Psyching myself out

I have sat down to write at my new computer several times this week to no avail. I have, however, been looking for ways to make myself more convinced that I am a writer. I have applied to be a blogger for several sites as well as other writing gigs, I have continued to dissect the writings of others and I have continued to analyze my thesis and basic outline. I have also decided to download some new music to help motivate me as I attempt to write. I am hoping all of these things manifest into words, sentences, paragraphs, chapters and then a book being written.

Something that made me feel especially good was setting up my template document and putting my already written pages into it. Seeing the number of pages multiplied by 2.5 was a huge motivator and seeing my words look like a book made me want to put down more words. Unfortunately it was like 10:45pm and Alex was sitting behind me talking about something, so I had to be satisfied with just the feeling of wanting to and not the actuality of writing.

Fortunately, my father-in-law comes this weekend which should give me more time in the day to sit for several hours at a time and think and write while he entertains Ryan. I am also hoping to tap into the feeling that comes over me when I am moved to write a blog post, though I suspect Ryan will be waking up from her nap any minute now (is that another excuse...lol).

I've been reading "The Secret", so with its teachings in mind, I will cease talking about how I am not writing lest I put more of that energy out into the universe and never finish this book. I am claiming a thoroughly detailed outline as I planned by the end of the month!

Saturday, September 4, 2010

All About the Book

Over the last two weeks it seems like every obstacles has been presented to keep me from working on my book. My laptop died, our back-up laptop died, Alex needed his computer all day to finish up a project, Ryan wanted attention, I had writer's bloc...But somehow I persevered. I have written a sizable chunk of my background story and I have found a writing process that has been helpful in the organization of the book as a whole. When I am stuck, I go back to The Tipping Point and continue to deconstruct it in hopes of finding my own construction. Getting more organized has helped me stay on task. The best part was putting all of my notes and free writes into one document and seeing how much I had accomplished without really knowing it.

It is now the beginning of September and I only have three months before my new baby arrives. My goal for this month is to have a detailed outline of my book completed. That is, all chapter headings, subheadings, theories, subtheories, flow of book, examples, summaries, approximate number of pages, etc. laid out in such a way that it is clear to any potential agent what the end result will be. In October I want to have my final pitch package complete so that I can begin shopping my book to agents in order to secure a book deal that will allow me the time and resources to make the final product what I know it can be.

I am very excited about getting to this point in the process. I never imagined myself being a published author, though I have been a writer my whole life. I always thought of writing as a means to end; I wrote speeches to win oral contests, I wrote essays and reports to pass courses, I wrote personal statements to get admitted to universities, I wrote theses to gain a degree or distinction, I wrote briefs to get a paycheck, I wrote press releases to get media attention. Now I know that all the success that came from those writings was because the writing was good and that I do not have to be afraid of being a writer.

I've been told that my subject matter is ambitious, but that has never stopped me before. I believe that my life and career has unfolded in such a way that I am destined to write this book at this very moment and that I am the only person in my way. I am looking at my pages and pages of writing almost too thick to staple as well as my six page breakdown of The Tipping Point and I am so encouraged. I have The Secret as my bathroom book (TMI, sorry) and the feeling of wanting to write everyday. On top of that, I had the best dream of my entire life the other day that felt so real that I hold on to that feeling of success and know that it is not just an illusion.

Everyday I wake up to the 7 battles that define Muse v. Fear and I puff my chest out knowing that I am one step closer to winning this war. Now back to work...

Thursday, August 12, 2010

31 is still 31

Its been awhile since my last post, mostly because my PC has died on me, but partly because I have been trying to process what is going on in my life. When my productivity is low, I can be hard on myself...but I am a very introspective person and I have to trust that a mental process is taking place that will put me back on track.

I'm Off People for Awhile

Having given myself permission to just stop and reflect, I realize that a lot of my mistakes and issues stem from my belief in people; which leads me to give of my resources without the promise of reciprocal benefit. This is by no means the fault of anyone but myself, but in order to assess the root of the problem I must isolate the variables.

Reassessing my Progress Toward Overcoming Fault #1--Fear of Failure

In initially giving myself an 85%, then subsequently 90% I failed to look at the deeper issue. I was judging my anxiety level and not my fear level. Since anxiety is my most obvious manifestation of fear, I mistook that as the prime indicator. Upon further (self) analysis, I realize that all seven of my faults listed were just manifestations of my underlying fear. Not to be overly mathematically, but if I average my original assessments of the six other faults, I started off at a dismal 46% and as of June had progressed to 57.5%. Bottom line: I am failing, as I feared...lol. Typing that just now actually brought me some relief.

In the vein of facing my fears, I am going to give it to myself straight and see what happens when I de-romanticize my stated faults and uncover the underlying fears:

1) fear of failure--LACK OF CONFIDENCE

2) tendency to overthink--FAILURE TO ACT

3) desire to help everyone with a creative dream--FEAR OF GOING AFTER MY OWN DREAMS

4) excitement about projects that will reap no financial reward--FEAR OF BEING ACCOUNTABLE

5) tendency to undermine my accomplishments because I know my true potential--DELUSIONS OF GRANDEUR

6) tendency to trump my good ideas with other "better" ones before seeing them all the way through--LACK OF COMMITMENT

7) tendency to "beg for the grunt work" instead of demanding (or at least asking) for what I really want and deserve--FEAR OF GREATNESS

Man, I am not sure I was ready for that...I guess that is what my mind had been grappling with.

30.1...30.8, 30.9, 31

As I have said before, 30 was the most eye-opening year of my life and, obviously, I am starting 31 by confronting those things that I uncovered last year. This morning I woke up with a very anxious feeling and that feeling led me to complete this blog entry and to act on some of the other tasks that I have been contemplating in my mind.

There are five more months until the end of the year and I want to be proud of myself when I look into the eyes of my two little girls (by then I will have had Ms. Riley) and tell them that they can do anything they put their minds to. I am declaring today, August 13th, the first day of my personal war with FEAR (Muse v. Fear) and there will not be any white flags of defeat no matter how bloody the battles may be.

Needless to say, I have some work to do. Unlike last year where I merely strategized, as of today I go into battle (action). I am about to write out a schedule for myself and execute the tasks one by one. Wish me luck!

-The Muse

Thursday, July 15, 2010

Black Eyes and Cold Steak

Last week was a very difficult week for me. A couple of my weaknesses were tested and I am sad to say that I initially received a D, retook the test and received a B, which averages out to a C. Not good, average is not what is going to get me where I am trying to go.

Appearing Too Hungry

Sometimes you are presented with potential opportunities that, at first sight, appear to be life changing. This projection of greatness can blind you to the circumstances that surround that opportunity...let's call it entrepreneurial "beer goggles." I have been the victim of this phenomenon enough times to recognize the signs, but, lo, I was drawn in once again. My husband always says that the way something starts is usually how it will be and truer words have never been spoken.

I put myself in the situation of doing a lot of work upfront with no pay and having to "put my foot down" when the stench from my hunger/desperation led to unrealistic (and, quite honestly, offensive) demands being placed upon me and my company. Needless to say, I was disappointed in myself for ignoring the signs and going against my first instincts. I am at a place where I know my worth and trying too hard to convince someone of that worth, ironically, diminishes it. Lesson learned, again.

Worrying about Perception and Ignoring Reality

The struggle between my natural personality and what it takes to be "boss lady" leaves a constant question mark on my ability to sustain myself as an entrepreneur. This question mark is the main catalyst for my growth, but also leads to the most tears. I often wonder if I will have to change who I am to get what I want. This blog definitely gets at some of those characteristics and helps me to see that changing these things about myself does not affect the essence of who I am.

Last week I had to confront a major issue that affected the viability of my business and which I had let linger because I was worried about how it would make me look and others feel. My fellow entreprehustler Kimmi Chu put the nail on the head when she explained to me that the idea of selflessness as something honorable is a fallacy. If you do not take care of yourself first, you will have much less (and ultimately nothing) to give to others. Although I was aware that I was sacrificing my business, myself and my family, my personal nature still made it difficult to deal with the situation.

Needless to say, I was happy when this new week began. Although it was hard to look at myself in the mirror and ask myself the important question "can I really do this Muse thing?," I entered this week with a new focus and motivation and with some of the stress that was affecting my productivity lifted. Today is July 15th, the day I wanted to have my book outline completed. Completing this task will be a significant mile marker in my pursuit of that "yes" I so desperately desire.

-The Muse

Wednesday, June 30, 2010

Review Time

Goal Evaluation

So, it is the last day of June, I have officially gotten my swag back and I am ready to face my self-evaluation. Here are the 7 faults I am working on, my original progress and my current evaluation:

1) fear of failure (5/18/10: 85% there)--90%, I will give myself a 5% bump in this category. Failure is not an option and I realize that I got to this point in my life because I had a goal and I took the necessary steps to get there. I realized I wanted to be a lawyer in the 4th grade and spent the following 15 years making that happen without a second thought. If I take that same approach to my current goals, I am sure I will have the same positive results.

I already took the biggest step which was quitting my job and committing to this Millionaire dream. I accomplished the next step of writing down my vision. Now I am trying to stay two steps ahead in terms of charting my course and right on step in terms of following it.

My initial thought was that I could never get to 100% with this goal, but that is not correct. Just because my dreams are bigger, does not make the path to reaching them any different. I never questioned my ability to do everything I said I would do and now that the path to my dreams is a little more precarious, I will not allow myself to let that awareness affect my blind faith. Just as the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results, the inverse is also true. Insanity is not recognizing patterns in your life and repeating and perfecting the ones that have shown consistent results.

2) tendency to overthink (5/18/10:50% there), 85% there, this is probably the fault of which I have had the most progress. You will notice that I use the expression "it is what it is" quite often and I really do take that view in life now. In keeping with my definition of insanity, whenever I or someone I know has thought too much about any one thing, 9 times out of 10 we went past our realm of actual knowledge and allowed our subconscious thoughts to fill in the blanks.

My vow to trust my instincts has saved me a lot of wasted time questioning everything. My promise to eliminate stress from my life has taught me to control my thoughts. My increased self-awareness, for better or worse, has allowed me to recognize when my stream of thought has crossed the acceptable threshold.

The saying "trust your first mind" is so on point it is ridiculous. It is not that your initial instincts are ALWAYS right, but they are right most of the time so from an odds point of view it is best to go with it. You can never be right all of the time, but if you constantly question yourself you really mess up your stats.

3) desire to help everyone with a creative dream (5/18/10: 30% there), 50% there, this is a tricky one, for nothing else but the way I phrased it. My desire to help people has not changed, in fact it has probably grown, but I have made progress in terms of acting on that desire.

The more confidence I gain in my ability to sustain myself doing only what I really want to do at any given moment, the less I feel the need to be an integral part of other people's dreams. Don't get me wrong, I am the Muse and I think it is my calling to inspire creatives to realize their genius. I am just realizing that I do this naturally and injecting myself into the picture too much takes the beauty out of it for me. Like with every masterpiece, balance is everything.

4) excitement about projects that will reap no financial reward (5/18/10:60% there), 85% there, I have made quite a bit of progress here. I am learning not to get excited about anything until it is REAL...meaning "el cheque is bueno", as George would say.

5) tendency to undermine my accomplishments because I know my true potential (5/18/10:40% there), 50% there, my progress here is limited only because I have not really had an opportunity to test this fault. I give myself some credit because although I have not moved mountains, I am very proud of myself. Doing less is an accomplishment for me. I am taking the time to enjoy watching my daughter grow up, experiencing my baby develop inside of me, and focusing on a few projects and not jumping on every opportunity that presents itself.

6) tendency to trump my good ideas with other "better" ones before seeing them all the way through (5/18/10:75% there), 75% there, I would say that there is no movement on this front. I have changed courses a few times and I truly believe it was for the better. Time will tell if this assessment is true. The important thing is that I have not given up on my goals stated at the beginning of this process and I fully intend to see them all the way through.

7) tendency to "beg for the grunt work" instead of demanding (or at least asking) for what I really want and deserve (5/18/10: 25% there). 40% there, I have found myself "begging for the grunt work" without my conscious knowledge, but once I realized that that was what I was doing I pulled back from the situation. True progress is recognizing that I can get what I want if I ask for it (or at least save myself from grunt work), I am not completely there yet but I am happy with my progress.

Summary

All in all, I think I am doing pretty well so far. I have exactly 1 month and 7 days left in my 30th year of life and looking back I would have to say that my first 30 years have been awesome. I am proud to say that I have always "done me"; I am the least judgmental person that I know; I have loved hard and cried hard; I have learned not only from my mistakes but from the mistakes of others; I have not placed myself above any other human being; I try to do the right thing all the time; and I fight my negative tendencies. I truly look forward to the next 30 years.

I went from the projects of South Central Los Angeles to the halls of the most elite universities in the country. From a world whose only significant characters were related to me to one in which I interact daily with people from every walk of life. From a career path with extreme stability to one with limitless freedom. From an existence that required no self-analysis to one in which finding myself is the key to that existence. From a lifestyle built on conformity to one reflecting true originality. From a mind filled with imaginable dreams to one that ventures beyond imagine.

If I was able to accomplish all of this with the limited knowledge I have attained thusfar, the sky is truly the limit as my wisdom increases. I will write my book, I will work with Sheila Johnson, and I will realize my Muse vision...these things I know, it is the accomplishments I cannot forsee that keeps me flexing my hustle muscles so that I am ready when they come. Wish me luck!

-The Muse

Saturday, June 26, 2010

Jesus take the wheel

This was a really good week for me. I am definitely one of those people with "weather-dependent personality disorder" and we had beautiful sunny DC weather to bring in the official start of summer.

My more laid-back approach to life and business has manifested into something really great. It seems that the seeds that I have already planted are getting the chance to grow since I stopped overwatering and planting too many new seeds in the same garden.

Connecting/Reconnecting with People who God Brought Into My Life

A major "Muse" gift I have is recognizing and attracting artistically/creatively/spiritually gifted people. I have learned to trust my instinct because it never steers me wrong. Case in point, my husband Alex who I knew that I would be with for the rest of my life the moment I saw him and who is the most artistic, creative and spiritually gifted person I know or know of. Being with an artist for the past 11 years has really prepared me for the unique experience of working with true artists...believe me, it is not an easy task.



Sheldon Scott

Just yesterday I got an email from Sheldon saying that he is ready to get going on his wonderful project that I am so excited to be a part of. Sheldon is definitely someone who God sent me and I was smart enough to recognize it right away. Some people just have a light that is hard to ignore and I pride myself in my ability to blindly go toward the light without question. I believe I met Sheldon at his building since it is where George lives and, therefore, my second home. I was instantly attracted to his style and swagger and knew that he was special. My first real encounter with him, besides stopping him to mention how fabulous he looked, was when George took me to have dinner at Marvin. At this point I did not know that he was an Artist, but I knew that he fit into my Muse vision somehow.

We saw eachother all the time and one time he mentioned that we should get together to talk about possibly working together. I was excited about this prospect because without even knowing what he did, I already knew that we would be working together. When we finally had an official meeting, my instincts (once again) proved superior...lol. Sheldon is a "Storyteller" and actor with an amazing life story and an undeniable spiritual connection to Marvin Gaye. Our project involves the preservation and presentation of Marvin Gaye memorabilia and the story behind that effort. I am really excited about this journey that we are embarking upon and I believe that something truly special is going to come out of it.

Kymone Freeman

Earlier this week I received a message from Kymone reminding me of his press conference re: "Saving Black Radio" taking place tomorrow at Busboys and Poets. He also reminded me of the date of the reading of his 3rd play, "God is on the Devil's Payroll" which will be part of DC's first Black Theatre Festival running from August 1st-8th. I am excited to be part of helping him promote the play and further solidifying himself as a voice in theatre and media.

Bernard Demczuk

So my nutritionist Tricia McCauley is an avid gardener and one of my Muse advisory board members, Bernard Demczuk, has an amazing garden oasis on the Eastern Shore where he runs a guest gardener program. I had mentioned this to Tricia a few months back and now that she has graduated from her Master's program, she decided to reach out to him to see about being part of the program. Luck would have it that Bernard called me to get her number and we were able to talk a bit about a project he wanted me to help with. He has a vision for what he will call "The Choptank School" which will be a program that he administers through the schools that surround the Choptank River and brings kids in to learn about gardening and the history of the surrounding towns in Talbot County which were founded by ex-slaves and free blacks.

Really BIG opportunity for Muse

On Thursday I received a call from George about a possible opportunity to help re-brand/market a premiere night club in DC. Today I had a really great meeting to talk more about it and I am presenting my official proposal tomorrow, so I am crossing my fingers since this is the type of opportunity that would help put Muse on the map.

Thinking through my book

The Agent Stage

Yesterday I had a really great lunch with my girl Aimee Agresti who is a writer in the advanced stages of getting her book published. It was very encouraging and helped me build my confidence as I enter into this writing process. She also made me realize that I actually had a process. This realization made me think that I need to be more deliberate and organized about that process if I want to make it to my end of year goal.

The Newly Published Stage

My girl Helena Andrews's book, Bitch is the New Black, hit bookstores on June 1st and she will be having a big DC launch next Tuesday. She has received great reviews, amazing press and she already sold the rights to have her book adapted into a movie (and she will be writing the screenplay...Go girl!). It has been very encouraging to see her journey thusfar and how she has devoted her life to her book (her baby) and all the greatness that has and will come from it.

The Promotion Stage

My friend Harold Fisher's book, Two Weeks Until the Rest of My Life, has been out for awhile now and he has been on a whirlwind of promotion ever since. I had an opportunity to speak with him earlier today about his writing process and get his initial reactions to my book concept. This was a very enlightening conversation and lets me know that I am on the right track in terms of my process. I am doing a lot of "free writing" in order to get all my ideas out so that I can present them as a coherent theory. He expressed to me that because my book is presenting a new idea it is imperative that I am very clear and very aware of my audience. This is my main task and I am getting there on paper, though sometimes less so in words. Definitely a work in progress, but I am confident that the end result will be something great

The Iconic Writer/Theorist Stage

Because The Tipping Point is the book that I believe The Other N Word most closely resembles in terms of theory and the radical rethinking of basic concepts, I have been breaking it down to its simplest form in my effort to organize my thoughts in much the same way as Gladwell was able to organize his. This has made me fall in love with his book even more and, simultaneously, understand the work that needs to be done to complete my book successfully.

The Interest Stage

So, Sheldon had a performance on Thursday and afterwards he was approached by a Literary Agent who was interested in his story. This, of course, did not surprise me since, as I mentioned earlier, he really does have an amazing story and he is a gifted Storyteller. This news was also very inspiring because it let me know that the more you put yourself out there, the more people will recognize you.

The Beginning Stage

This leads to where I am. Having all of these great encounters this week has really been eye-opening and, I believe, the universe's way of pushing me forward. I am more encouraged than ever to get my full outline completed by July 15th and then begin tackling each Chapter of my "masterpiece". Needless to say, with all that is going on with my clients, my business, and my personal life I will be spending some time this weekend putting together a schedule for myself for July at the least, but hopefully a rough schedule for the rest of the year. If the weeks to come are anywhere as delightful as this week has been, I am in for a great ride and I look forward to bringing you all along.

-The Muse

Wednesday, June 16, 2010

Finding My Artist

Focusing

Writing this blog has been one of the best things I could have done for my personal sanity. Prior to committing to limit my business development my brain was always moving a million miles per hour, trying to connect with everyone and just generally doing too much. I have since slowed down and gone underground a bit which has made it much easier to evaluate how I unconsciously fall into some of the bad habits/practices that prompted me to write this blog in the first place.

Slow and Steady Wins the Race: Client/Project Progress

Since my last post business has progressed nicely. George, among other wonderful things, has officially inked a deal for his own weekly segment on WHUR: Style and Elegance with Go to Guy George Worrell. My newest clients Mirror Image Fitness and Wellness "Fitness Twins" had their first radio appearance and their new brand image is set to launch July 1st. I had a great day of shooting on a small documentary project that I am associate producing (my first production credit!). Donovon and I have made progress on a wonderful business venture. My client Jamon Hicks aka "The next Obama" was named one of the Top 40 Lawyers under 40 by the National Bar Association. My hubby and Artistic Director, R. Alexander Clark, has finished his first Drupal* website. And, I have kept my eye on what all my other DC entreprehustlers and "rising stars" have been up to and injected my Muse spirit and resources in any way that I could.

*sidenote: Alex tells me that this is the next "big thing" in website development. The learning curve is steep and the number of developers actually doing it is small. He has been learning it over the last several months and explaining to me in "mind numbing", and dare I say "tune out-able" detail, the value and potential of such an undertaking.

Nothing to "Take the Edge Off"*: Personal Progress

So, now that I have passed the 3 month mark and my belly is in full bloom, it is safe for me to reveal that this end of the year goal is significant in another important way: we are expecting our second child in December!

For those who were witness to my first year as an entrepreneur, you know that I found out that I was pregnant with Ryan Alexis, my first child, several weeks after I resigned from the firm. God knew what he was doing because I am sure that I would have made different decisions, i.e., not becoming an entrepreneur, had I found this information out sooner. Something that may be seen as a hindrance to my plans ended up being the best motivator for "getting it done." Having my growing baby with me every step of the way gave me the feeling that I was not alone and gave me an even greater sense of purpose.

It has been exhilirating to experience motherhood and owning my own business simultaneously, but it also makes it imperative that I put everything in perspective and make sure that I am approaching both tasks in a realistic and well-thought out way. So, in addition to the goals and realizations I have made about Muse and my entrepreneurial journey, I have been making a lot of progress in my personal life...all of this without anything to "take the edge off."

So I have been proud of myself for the things that I have accomplished in my personal journey including getting a Nutritionist, keeping in mind that food, water and sleep are essential to life (seems obvious, but as an entrepreneur sometimes you zone out and forget these most basic things), taking naps and most recently taking a little vacation to Atlanta where I got some much needed rest and made some serious progress on my book.

*as my friend Chandra's mom would say...lol.

"I'm a Writer"--Carrie Bradshaw (in almost every episode of SATC...lol)

So, I have officially begun the process of writing "The Other N Word" and I have to say that it is a truly terrifying undertaking. Over the past six months or so, I have been taking notes, writing down or recording my thoughts, etc. but once I started to actually write full paragraphs I realized that I have a lot to say and my brain has been organizing this book without my knowledge. This is always true when I write, which is why whenever I read something that I have written it always seems like someone else wrote it. I am not one of those draft and redrafters, I simply outline, think about it every minute and when it is time to go, it somehow comes out the right way the first time. My theory is that I draft and redraft in my head.

Anyway, because my book is part personal narrative and part "self-help", the way that I organize it will be very important. To avoid the delay that thinking this all the way through in advance would cause, I began writing under mini topic headings and got a suprising amount written in a short period of time.

After my first full day of writing, I experienced a bit of anxiety because although I knew that I had a great idea, seeing it come to life and realizing that I am particularly purposed to write this felt a bit overwhelming. It is like my version of "The Tipping Point" (could I put the bar any higher!), that is, uncovering a phenomenon that "accidently" occurs and being able to explain it in such a way that those who heed its lessons can make it happen on purpose. Because "The Tipping Point" changed my life so profoundly and has gone on to be one of the best reviewed books and whose theories have transformed the lives of so many entrepreneurs, the thought that my book would have even close to that kind of impact is daunting.

Needless to say, I have a lot of work to do. And now that I have dared to put myself anywhere near Malcolm Gladwell in a public forum, I will definitely need to do some breathing exercises and then "get my Puffy on" and make it happen.

-The Muse

Sunday, May 30, 2010

T minus 7 months

June is here!

Ok, so it has been awhile since my last post, but I did begin to write one last week and the draft is way too long. I stopped myself because I began making all these commitments to myself about organization, focusing on current projects, etc. and I realized that I was getting wrapped up in the vision of it all and not doing the work. Instead I spent last week actually accomplishing some things. I have also decided what I need to accomplish during this next month so that my year end goal is met.


1. "The Other N Word"

When you "log out of the Matrix," the clarity you are able to attain is quite amazing. My decision to write a book, like all of my ideas, was an evolutionary process. When I left my firm, I made a promise to myself that I would get my business to a level where I could land my firm as a client. This was, on the one hand, a reasonable goal and, on the other hand, an irrational need to validate my creative endeavors with the type of "legitimacy" acceptable to those who were dumbfounded (read disappointed) by the fact that "I was no longer a lawyer."

After about 5 or 6 months, I finally came up with a potential proposal. I thought that I could come in as a consultant to help young associates get a clearer and more straightforward understanding of what it take to be successful at the law firm, including the need to network inside and outside the firm, navigating associate-partner relationships, debunking the myths about what it takes to be successful, etc. I had kept in contact with one of the consultants, Jeff McKinney, who came in to help with diversity issues right before I left the firm. Of all the people any corporation I'd worked for had brought in, Jeff was the only one that was truly helpful in a practical way. In fact, I used many of the tips he suggested when I started networking on behalf of what was to become Muse CAA. We were going to work together to come up with an actual sellable idea and approach and I even broached the subject with my law firm mentor who said that when I came up with something solid she would present it to the right folks at the firm.

I began thinking about how this idea would work, would I work directly with associates? In groups? One on One? Would I be able to be honest about what it takes? Would I simultaneously work with partners? Etc. The more I thought about it, the more the idea began to narrow itself and the more realistic it became, but I was not sure I could reach my intended audience with my intended message in a PC way. I also thought about the fact that I did not really want to spend my time being at a law firm when I had just escaped that environment 6 months prior. I was enjoying spending my time with non "A-type" personalities and I realized that I had uncovered something that had more (and less) universal appeal and worth.

Particularly, by going through this journey of entrepreneurialship I had uncovered the reason behind most of the shortcomings, for lack of a better term, African-Americans experience in the business world. More importantly, I have come up with a simple and straightforward way to both explain and remedy the problem. As I type this, it sounds pretty cocky, but "it is what it is."

Needless to say, I want you to read the book and find out if I am right, but for now I will say that the other N word is networking and our particular relationship to that word and the connotations and implications that come with it have, heretofore, acted as a barrier to true success. Like the "real" N word, we need to understand its historical context, assess our relationship and sensitivity to its use, and remix it so that those connotations and implications become empowering instead of disenfranchising.

In terms of my goal for the end of the year, I have decided to commit to writing every Monday since I already take no meetings and try not to have too much work to do since Mondays suck so much.

2. Muse CAA

My commitment to limit my business development efforts has been difficult to keep because after being on the scene for a year and a half, people are starting to reach out to me. My focus is to be in a position to have an official launch party at the end of the year. This means that I would have had enough successes under my belt that I will feel confident that Muse is what I say it is, all of my administrative paperwork, etc. is taken care of and I have an official business plan going into 2011.

To this end, I am organizing the next few months of my life to make this happen. I am not taking on any pro bono projects or jumping onto other people's endeavors unless it is for pay and directly related to the fulfillment of my Muse goals. I am setting realistic, but high goals for my current clients and projects and I am moving forward everyday.

3. Sheila Johnson

One of my projects is an AIDS campaign that I would love to get Sheila Johnson involved with. She recently executive produced a documentary about AIDS in DC that premiered at the Tribeca Film Festival and it is an issue near and dear to both of our hearts. DC leads the nation in HIV and AIDS cases, particularly in the black community and, therefore, we should be the leaders in fighting the epidemic.

Sheila Johnson is my "Millionaire Muse" because, first of all, she is the first black female billionaire...yes, before Oprah! She is also a great example of "The Secret" in practice. I first heard her name when I was having lunch with a partner at my firm, Bill Hall. He is a big name in sports here in DC and really on the scene. I had met him at the firm a few times, but I did not gain a relationship with him until I decided to leave the firm. I was still officially working there, but had given my notice and was in full networking mode. My mentor, Warner Session, had invited me to the Chamber of Commerce annual dinner and Bill was being honored for the major part he took in getting the Nationals Stadium built here in DC. I got up my nerve and went over to say hello to him and the next week I sent an email inviting him to lunch. I told him about what I was trying to do and he asked if I knew Sheila Johnson. I had no idea who she was, but quickly found out that she was previously married to Bob Johnson and they started BET together and she went on to be a mogul, owning the Washington Mystics, Market Salamander, investing in tons of other endeavors and just being smart and saavy. I googled her and it was over, I had found my model for mogulhood.

I told everyone I spoke to that I wanted to meet her and I even emailed her directly (bad move...but gutsy...lol). I was 1 degree of separation from her in like 20 directions. Then I started seeing her at the Mystics games and by that time I was deliberately trying not to meet her because I decided that I wanted to work with her. I wanted to be introduced with "gravitas" and not simply as someone who "loooooved" her. Because when you put something out in the universe it really does get closer to being real, it has been difficult not to meet her and since everyone knows that I admire her so much, I get calls/emails all the time about opportunities to meet her and stories about how they met her.

Anyway, having her as a Muse has changed my life and gave me confidence when meeting people who I would have previously been intimidated by. "Are you the first black female billionaire? No? Oh, ok." No one was any better or different from me since the only person who I really wanted to meet was Sheila and whoever I was in front of could not say that they were the first black woman billionaire. This really helped me be myself and confident, which is the real secret to networking.

All that is to say that I plan to have my campaign essentials completed by the end of the summer so that I can take that meeting and impress my "Millionaire Muse" if not with my idea, with the esteem that I am introduced with and my hustle and drive.

This is the next 7 months of my life in a nutshell, now back to work!

Saturday, May 22, 2010

Muse: The Brand

Bohemian Chic

Evolution of the Afro

Ok, so one of the things I am best known for is my hair. Right now I have a huge red afro so it makes sense, but this has always been true even when I was like every other black girl from L.A. with a "wrap." Besides my big eyes, nothing about my person is commented on more (and I would say the hair has been trumping the eyes for the past year or so). What most people do not know is how the afro came about. It was not some calculated fashion statement or ode to my roots or anything like that. It really started out as an experiment and a little silent rebellion against the law firm life I was living.

During the summer there would sometimes be events that fell on the weekend and, little black girl that I am, when I was invited to a white water rafting trip with my firm, I decided to wear my hair "natural" as opposed to either not going or spending the whole time trying to protect my "press" from getting wet. For generations we have been told that "natural" hair is not "professional" hair, so no one at work had seen me with "big hair', for lack of a better description. Needless to say, not only was I not recognized by most of my colleagues but once reminded (being one of only several black people period, this did not take long) my hair became a major point of intrigue. Why didn't I wear it like this to work? How did I go from the flat straight hair to this curly beehive overnight? Can I touch it? Honestly, I was as intrigued as they were because it never ceases to amaze me how people react to hair, which, if I am not mistaken, is just dead skin cells.

Anyway, I slowly integrated the "natural" look into my wardrobe. Mind you, my wardrobe was also a point of intrigue as I am forever my mother's child and refuse to live without color in my life. Always professional, I was still already pushing the envelope with my steady rotation of yellow, purple, green, and intricate print stilettos. I started off with a more curly version of the natural, where I would take care to wet it daily and use ample product to keep the curls in tact. By the end I was in full afro rebellion, my only saving grace being the headbands I wore to prevent innocent bystanders from being confronted by my "nappiness" right at the nape of my hairline. Once I left the firm, the experiment was over and this afro that I rock, that is definitely a major part of my personal brand, was simply an economic decision. I no longer had expendable income and, therefore, could not afford the $60 to 125 every 2 weeks to have my hair done professionally. I have never been a do it yourself kind of girl and I honestly did not care that much, so afro it is.

"When you step out of the house, always look like you have someplace to be"

I was given this advice over a year ago by "My Diana" George Worrell, DC's resident style expert and Muse's first client. (sidenote: He is Diana Ross because I am Barry Gordy; I started out by being Puffy (which would make him my Mary), but he edited this right away). Since I have been on a whirlwind of self analysis and growth over the past several months, earlier this week I had been seeking his counsel and making sure he "let me have it" since I want to become the "Boss Bitch" that he and Donovon envision me as and telling me how fabulous I am is not going to get me there. Anyway, he found a subtle way to mention this same advice again (really in relation to the fact that I wore jeans to a meeting where I was there to talk business, his business at that (I wore a blazer and heels as well, in my defense)). My rationale was that I had already had several meetings and the deal was done and this was just a final wrap up...and really, I felt like wearing jeans.

I, of course, listened to the advice especially because it was coming from a good place and it was accompanied by the retelling of how me and George met and how I had so much swagger and confidence "way back" then. In the midst of the storm that I believe all visionaries and entrepreneurs encounter, I had lost a bit of my "Museness." It was not completely gone, but it is difficult to feign confidence when you are confronted head on with all of your weaknesses, most of which you previously thought were strengths, after 30 years of "skating" by on your talent, looks, and wit.

Anyway, because God or the universe or whatever is in on this mission to make my vision a reality, I was twice reminded of this little tidbit of advice and I will now be mindful of its importance.

Encounter 1:

On Tuesday I had no outside meetings and I spent most of the day contemplating starting this blog and trying not to freak myself out by the fact that I would actually send it out for people to read and evaluate not only my writing, but my frailty. At 2pm, I was put into the unfortunate situation of having to rush to the bank and be home by 3pm for my bi-weekly session with my Nutritionist. I threw on some jeans, puffed the afro out a bit (or did I, lol) and rushed out. As fate would have it, as soon as I was in "eyeshot" of the teller counter, I could see that the bank president who I know from social circles and is the reason why I am a customer of the Bank of Georgetown was standing there talking to the employees. I had been hoping not to see him during my 7 minute ride to the bank, but no such luck.

Since there was no turning back, I walked in, had a brief conversation and let him know that I would be calling him about an opportunity I am contemplating involving The Lincoln Theatre where, a quick search a few weeks ago revealed, he was a member of the Board. I gave myself some points for this one (see fault #7) as sometimes you have to seize the moment, even if you are sporting a lopsided fro, jeans and a baby T with Pipi Longstocking on the front.

Encounter #2

Everyone who knows me knows that I hate the grocery store and any other store that is not for the exclusive purpose of clothes/accessories shopping. This includes Target (it is almost sacrilegious to "hate Target", but it is what it is). Anyway, my Father-in-Law got in his mind that we "had to" get Ryan a potty chair "today" (Thursday). Trying not to be ungrateful for his offer to purchase it and implement his time tested "method" for getting her to learn to poop in the potty, I said let's go now (lest I have a minute to devise a seemingly innocent reason why this Target trip does not occur). Anyway, the whole 7 minute drive there I was hoping that I would not run into George (who lives across the street from Target and whom I encounter every time I go, which is very rarely) because I was wearing pretty much the same getup as Tuesday except the baby T had some kind of retro 7 Up logo on it. I walk in, make a stop at Pizza Hut, which is the only thing that made the trip worthwhile, sit and eat my pizza and slurpee and walk right into George as I begin my trek through the store to get "this one thing" and get the hell out of here. (Sidenote: I am not that big a fan of Pizza Hut pizza, but the individual size pizzas are to die for...I guess size does matter).

Needless to say, I am still sticking to my Bohemian Chic style (it is who I am--no make-up, natural hair, trend defying style) but I am going to be more careful not to leave the "chic" at home.

Wednesday, May 19, 2010

Thinking and Fainting

Post Blog
So, today is Day 2 of my public journey and after spending last night reading my first three posts 10x each (I am a little OCD when I write something down) and getting very little sleep out of fear of not waking up in time to attend a welcome ceremony by Obama for President Calderon of Mexico, I finally woke up after several snooze naps.

Making Progress
In keeping with my mission, between writing my last blog and going to sleep last night I decided that I would cease all business development activities and limit attendance at events through the end of the year and just focus on my current clients and the Muse projects I have decided to pursue. This took a big weight off of my shoulders because I have been so focused on making more money that I have felt overwhelmed and unable to concentrate on some of the great ideas I want to pursue (including the one that I hope will connect me with Sheila Johnson). So screw quick money, roll with what I have, and do something wonderful with my clients and believe in my original vision. Progress! (Please make me stick to this...)

Wonderful Development
On March 15th, I made a huge step and hired my first full-time employee, my Creative Director, none other than the amazing Donovon Bradford. He is the other person, besides Hubby, who made me The Muse. He gave Alex his first big exposure in the art world when he ran a wonderful gallery and lounge, Red Door, in Capitol Hill. He was there when the first event I got behind was a total flop (well, not total because it was fab, but with no attendees...you get the point), he took the most amazing pictures of me when I had been running from cameras since I was diagnosed with Grave's Eyes Disease and I instantly wanted him as my bff (and I had never used that term before meeting him...lol).

Anyway, Donovon got Muse business cards the same day as I did when it was just a concept in my mind and he has been my cheerleader, business partner, and witness to all my emotional ups and downs and the inner workings of my "beautiful mind" and for this he deserves a medal, believe me. We have been pursuing different venues to pitch some event and branding ideas to because we know that we can do something new and interesting here in DC. Well, yesterday we dared to ask for what we really wanted which is our own venue...more specifically, Donovon needs his own space and Muse needs a surrogate home to bring our ideas to life (yay, for working on #7).

Donovon was presented with an offer he could not refuse. Because of his amazingness, his cousin/best friend, wants to invest in anything he presents a business plan for. All the stars aligned and Donovon decided that having his own restaurant/lounge was the way to go and I simultaneously thought the same thing (this happens to us a lot) and now we are working on the business plan and I already have additional investors in mind and I am so happy for him and Muse vicariously.

Today
So, God obviously wanted to give me a sign that all this progress and greatness was enough for a little while because I did wake up in time to make the event this morning and everything was going great. Malcolm aka "The Fojo" and I, in true VIP style, got swooped to the front of the line for prime viewing for the ceremony and we were settling in for our 2 hour wait for the event to start. Alls well, taking photos, taking it all in. All of a sudden I feel a little queasy, then light headed then out of it for like 2 seconds. Oh shit, did I faint? After getting out of the crowd and getting a cup of water, I was fine...but we lost our prime viewing spot and I spent the rest of the time trying not to be freaked out by the episode...I think Malcolm was doing the same.

Needless to say, I came home, ate a big plate of spaghetti (thanks Father in Law) and took my butt to sleep. I have been taking it easy all day and trying not to ignore that warning sign and just being happy with my progress to date. Back to work tomorrow.

-The Muse

Tuesday, May 18, 2010

Go!

Muse 1.0

Over the last year and a half, I have built something quite amazing (already working on fault #5). I started out with the idea of creating an artist agency based here in Washington, DC, that is, I would represent different creatives (painters, writers, stylists, make-up artists, fashion designers, etc.) for a fee of 15% of their earnings. This is still what I want Muse to be, but I quickly learned that 15% of nothing leaves nothing and most of my clients needed to be "branded" before they could earn anything with their craft. Then they needed PR in order to get their branding out to the public before they could earn anything. This led to Muse becoming a branding and marketing/PR firm. This also led to less clients because, for some strange reason, more people are willing to work with you if you are doing tons of work for free as opposed to them paying you for the work that you are doing...go figure.

Muse 2.0
I found that I really liked branding, it went hand and hand with hubby's business which is Art and graphic design, so I was able to offer branding strategy and the execution of that strategy under one roof. I also found that I did not like PR, at least not in the traditional "pitch for your life" sense. Ok, now Muse is a branding firm and strategic promotion was a component, but we are not a PR firm. Problem solved? Not yet.

Muse Redux
After discovering that branding is what most of my clients needed, I was faced with the unfortunate realization that DC did not offer a wealth of opportunities for creatives to make money doing their craft. Fashion, Art, Music, Film, TV, Theatre--all these things were in short supply and, lest you forget, it is 2009 and fear is sucking up all potential possibilities. This drastically altered my journey because now I was faced with the fact that if I planned to stay here and pursue my dream I would have to become an integral part of bringing/creating the "industry" here.

The Muse Vision
After many hours spent on my deck (what I call "deck time"), I received a vision so clear that it had to come from God. Everything in my life up to this point all made perfect sense and was geared toward my fulfillment of this amazing purpose. It was no accident that I was a lawyer, that I lived here in DC, that I started this journey in 2009, that I named my company Muse--I realized that I AM The Muse and that I was put here to inspire creative entrepreneurs and to protect their rights to their own work and to be a crucial part of this amazing Renaissance taking place in DC. Every person that I had met over the last year was somehow connected to helping make my vision a reality and I was determined not to ignore this enormous responsibility that had been placed on my shoulders.

"The Gift, The Spirit, The Work"- Jay-Z
Needless to say, the realization of such a great and meaningful purpose brought me extreme joy and an equal amount of anxiety. The fact that when I let people in on my discovery, they did not think it was crazy (especially because I was being led by the spirit of Zora Neale Hurston whom I knew very little about, except that I loved "Their Eyes Were Watching God" and that people thought she was crazy during her time) only made the vision more clear and more scary (and awesome!). During the time of my vision, I kept myself "out of my head" by writing everything down. My whole "blueprint" was revealed in these writings and I swear it did not come from the LaNora that I know. I read and reread my story, my cast of characters, my projects and accepted the fact that I was made for this.

Once I came down from that amazing high, I began trying to make this world that existed in my head, now on paper, a reality. My journey of 30 years had resulted in me picking up all the pieces along the way that would be needed in the fulfillment of this vision. Like an intricate puzzle, they were all lain on the table but I quickly realized it was my task to put the puzzle together and this task would not be easy. Many of the main pieces were picture side up and it was clear where in the puzzle they belong, but some pieces needed to be turned over (meaning I had to change something about myself, my network, my strategy) to complete the picture that was so clear on the box (my writings).

This leads me to where I am today. Still motivated, still convinced, still hustling and, thank God, still an entrepreneur...but working to turn over, group, and connect these pieces so that my vision becomes a reality. I am happy to report that, for you puzzle enthusiast, the border is complete and I have all the pieces face up and gathered in the general area they belong in the final puzzle. That is, I have identified my task, I have identified my weaknesses and I have assessed my need to conquer these weaknesses, now I am in the midst of devising and executing the strategy that will lead to completion and mounting for display (my launch!).

-The Muse

Get Set

The title of this blog is Entreprehustler because that term (which I am coining) describes who/what I am and is the starting point to becoming a true mogul.

My entrepreneurial journey officially began on January 1, 2009, but several dates prior to that day are significant to fully understand how I discovered my true passion and got the courage needed to pursue it wholeheartedly.

January 2008--Searching for my passion

After 3.5 years of working as a Litigation associate at a BigLaw firm, I officially acknowledged that I did not have a passion for law and, even more earth shattering, I really had no passion at all. All my friends thought this was ironic because I am such a passionate person, but lo, it was true...no passion.

This date is important as well because when I decided to work for a firm, I gave myself "3 to 5" like a jail sentence because I went in knowing that this was not what I wanted to do with my life (although I honestly opened myself up for the possiblity of being convinced otherwise).

This is the time when I admitted to my wonderfully supportive husband that I had to do something different with my life. We decided on March 2010 as the official end of my law firm career and made plans to pay off a large amount of debt in the two years and change left making $200k+.

Although I agreed to stick it out for a little while longer, I immediately began searching for my passion...that one thing I could do that would fulfill both my monetary and spiritual needs.

Needless to say, I mentally checked out at work.

May 2008--Metaphorical slip begins to show

By this time, I was in hot pursuit of true gratification and I was becoming more and more in tune with my creative side. I already had notebooks full of "amazing" ideas dating back as far as I can remember. I watched hubby become an entrepreneur the prior year and I was convinced that that was the only option since, of course, I wanted to be a millionaire. Also, I have always seen myself working for myself and employing my community so if I was to abandon a six figure salary it was going to have to be worthwhile.

My passionate pursuit of my passion, for better or worse, became apparent to an elusive group of onlookers at my job. Instead of pursuing "better" work, i.e., work that would indicate my pursuit of partnership, I searched for document review work that would allow me to reach my billable hour requirements without much commitment to the profession and with the flexibility to work from home. Being able to bill 10 to 14 hours without having to interact with anyone allowed me the freedom to work my "second job" of testing my ability to network and navigate in a world vastly different than any I had experienced before. This includes both the creative world, I became hubby's unofficial art agent, and the entrepreneurial world. I was instantly hooked and constantly pushing myself to step out of my comfort zone.

My journey was kicked into high gear over a very frank lunch I had with my mentor. I knew at this moment that March 2010 was not an option...I could hang on to the end of the year max. She respectfully suggested that I spend more time in the office and pursue more high level work, both of which I let her know that I would give the ol' college try, but I knew that was probably not going to happen seeing as I had found something I never thought I would have...PASSION! Something that drove me to want to wake up, to challenge my weaknesses, to not care that my secure and stable job was on the line.

From that day forth, I was determined to be ready whenever the day came when I would have to step out on faith and really pursue this entrepreneurial dream that had me so high I felt like I was flying. I tried to spend more time in the office, but I physically could not...despite my best efforts. I did not wholeheartedly pursue other assignments because nothing could get more consistent hours than document review and I knew that this was the key to holding on to my salary while I continued to navigate the waters and decide EXACTLY what I wanted to do in this new creative world that I discovered needed me and my talents.

September 26, 2008--Official notice of resignation

This is a day I will never forget, my bravest moment thusfar and the one that made January 1, 2009 my official start date on this entrepreneurial journey. In one of the most interesting conversations I ever had, I learned that everyone loving you coupled with hard work can keep you employed long past the time when it is obvious that this is not what you really want to do and my firm learned that I had found what I really wanted to do and I appreciated their support, belief in me, and willingness to make my transition as easy as possible. I gave my official resignation and they gave me time to wrap up my current assignments and provided the resources for me to start Muse Creative Arts Agency unofficially before I was put into the "eat what you kill" situation that I have been in for the past year and a half.

-The Muse

On Your Mark

I have given myself until the end of the year to:

1) complete a draft of my book, "The Other N Word";
2) officially launch my business Muse Creative Arts Agency; and
3) work with my "Millionaire Muse" Sheila Johnson.

I figured the best way to make sure that this all gets done is to put it out in the universe and create some accountability for myself. Today is May 18th, I now have 7.5 months to overcome my:

1) fear of failure (85% there),
2) tendency to overthink (50% there),
3) desire to help everyone with a creative dream (30% there),
4) excitement about projects that will reap no financial reward (60% there),
5) tendency to undermine my accomplishments because I know my true potential (40% there),
6) tendency to trump my good ideas with other "better" ones before seeing them all the way through (75% there),
7) tendency to "beg for the grunt work" instead of demanding (or at least asking) for what I really want and deserve (25% there).

By putting these things down on (virtual) paper, I am forced to confront them in (virtual) reality instead of only in my head where I am able to rationalize my behavior, decisions, failures, successess and progress toward "mogulhood" in a way that keeps me in my comfort zone and blocks me from the greatness that I know to be my destiny.

The Muse