Review Time

Goal Evaluation

So, it is the last day of June, I have officially gotten my swag back and I am ready to face my self-evaluation. Here are the 7 faults I am working on, my original progress and my current evaluation:

1) fear of failure (5/18/10: 85% there)--90%, I will give myself a 5% bump in this category. Failure is not an option and I realize that I got to this point in my life because I had a goal and I took the necessary steps to get there. I realized I wanted to be a lawyer in the 4th grade and spent the following 15 years making that happen without a second thought. If I take that same approach to my current goals, I am sure I will have the same positive results.

I already took the biggest step which was quitting my job and committing to this Millionaire dream. I accomplished the next step of writing down my vision. Now I am trying to stay two steps ahead in terms of charting my course and right on step in terms of following it.

My initial thought was that I could never get to 100% with this goal, but that is not correct. Just because my dreams are bigger, does not make the path to reaching them any different. I never questioned my ability to do everything I said I would do and now that the path to my dreams is a little more precarious, I will not allow myself to let that awareness affect my blind faith. Just as the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results, the inverse is also true. Insanity is not recognizing patterns in your life and repeating and perfecting the ones that have shown consistent results.

2) tendency to overthink (5/18/10:50% there), 85% there, this is probably the fault of which I have had the most progress. You will notice that I use the expression "it is what it is" quite often and I really do take that view in life now. In keeping with my definition of insanity, whenever I or someone I know has thought too much about any one thing, 9 times out of 10 we went past our realm of actual knowledge and allowed our subconscious thoughts to fill in the blanks.

My vow to trust my instincts has saved me a lot of wasted time questioning everything. My promise to eliminate stress from my life has taught me to control my thoughts. My increased self-awareness, for better or worse, has allowed me to recognize when my stream of thought has crossed the acceptable threshold.

The saying "trust your first mind" is so on point it is ridiculous. It is not that your initial instincts are ALWAYS right, but they are right most of the time so from an odds point of view it is best to go with it. You can never be right all of the time, but if you constantly question yourself you really mess up your stats.

3) desire to help everyone with a creative dream (5/18/10: 30% there), 50% there, this is a tricky one, for nothing else but the way I phrased it. My desire to help people has not changed, in fact it has probably grown, but I have made progress in terms of acting on that desire.

The more confidence I gain in my ability to sustain myself doing only what I really want to do at any given moment, the less I feel the need to be an integral part of other people's dreams. Don't get me wrong, I am the Muse and I think it is my calling to inspire creatives to realize their genius. I am just realizing that I do this naturally and injecting myself into the picture too much takes the beauty out of it for me. Like with every masterpiece, balance is everything.

4) excitement about projects that will reap no financial reward (5/18/10:60% there), 85% there, I have made quite a bit of progress here. I am learning not to get excited about anything until it is REAL...meaning "el cheque is bueno", as George would say.

5) tendency to undermine my accomplishments because I know my true potential (5/18/10:40% there), 50% there, my progress here is limited only because I have not really had an opportunity to test this fault. I give myself some credit because although I have not moved mountains, I am very proud of myself. Doing less is an accomplishment for me. I am taking the time to enjoy watching my daughter grow up, experiencing my baby develop inside of me, and focusing on a few projects and not jumping on every opportunity that presents itself.

6) tendency to trump my good ideas with other "better" ones before seeing them all the way through (5/18/10:75% there), 75% there, I would say that there is no movement on this front. I have changed courses a few times and I truly believe it was for the better. Time will tell if this assessment is true. The important thing is that I have not given up on my goals stated at the beginning of this process and I fully intend to see them all the way through.

7) tendency to "beg for the grunt work" instead of demanding (or at least asking) for what I really want and deserve (5/18/10: 25% there). 40% there, I have found myself "begging for the grunt work" without my conscious knowledge, but once I realized that that was what I was doing I pulled back from the situation. True progress is recognizing that I can get what I want if I ask for it (or at least save myself from grunt work), I am not completely there yet but I am happy with my progress.

Summary

All in all, I think I am doing pretty well so far. I have exactly 1 month and 7 days left in my 30th year of life and looking back I would have to say that my first 30 years have been awesome. I am proud to say that I have always "done me"; I am the least judgmental person that I know; I have loved hard and cried hard; I have learned not only from my mistakes but from the mistakes of others; I have not placed myself above any other human being; I try to do the right thing all the time; and I fight my negative tendencies. I truly look forward to the next 30 years.

I went from the projects of South Central Los Angeles to the halls of the most elite universities in the country. From a world whose only significant characters were related to me to one in which I interact daily with people from every walk of life. From a career path with extreme stability to one with limitless freedom. From an existence that required no self-analysis to one in which finding myself is the key to that existence. From a lifestyle built on conformity to one reflecting true originality. From a mind filled with imaginable dreams to one that ventures beyond imagine.

If I was able to accomplish all of this with the limited knowledge I have attained thusfar, the sky is truly the limit as my wisdom increases. I will write my book, I will work with Sheila Johnson, and I will realize my Muse vision...these things I know, it is the accomplishments I cannot forsee that keeps me flexing my hustle muscles so that I am ready when they come. Wish me luck!

-The Muse